Frozen in Time

Every morning I wake up to happy squeals and giggles.  Phebe is the happiest baby I have ever met in my life!  She is so excited to see her brothers and sister in the morning, and she is especially excited to see Daddy in the morning!  It makes me melt when I see her toddle up behind her Daddy and wrap her pudgy little arms around his leg and squeeze him with all of her might!  The baby loves her Daddy.

Why do kids have to grow up?  My life is a little overwhelming and stressful with so many little ones running around, but if I could freeze time and keep them at this age forever I would do it in a heartbeat!  I love the hugs.  I love the sloppy, wet kisses.  I love the giggles.  I love the imagination.

I'm so thankful for my life.  I'm thankful for the happiness I feel.  I'm thankful I have the opportunity to stay home and watch my children grow.  It's something I take for granted sometimes.

I don't want my kids to grow up.  I want them to stay small.  I want them to want to snuggle with me, fall asleep while I play with their hair, invite me into their princess tent so we can read stories.  I want my life to be frozen in time.

Getting ready for the big day!

Thanksgiving is a little over two weeks away and I am SO excited for the big day!  We are expecting around 25 people I believe.  We all are in charge of certain dishes (I'm bringing the green bean casserole!) so the whole dinner is covered!  And of course we all are bringing different desserts... =)

 

 

There is just something special about Thanksgiving.  The parade and/or a football game in the background, the amazing smells of all the different foods cooking, decorating with fun little turkey crafts, EATING, laying around while your belly is full, playing games with friends and family, eating desserts and/or a turkey sandwich, getting ready for Black Friday shopping!  Ah...I can't wait!

 

There is a little part of me that fights emotions on Thanksgiving, though.  Whenever a holiday comes I can't help but miss my family and wish they were around too.  I hate that they miss out on watching their grandchildren enjoy holiday traditions.

 

What are some of the things you look forward to this Thanksgiving?

March 21

 

One year ago today, on March 21, 2012, World Down Syndrome Day was established by the United Nations. One year later, still over 90% of children diagnosed with Down Syndrome are aborted.

 

When my brothers, sisters and I were younger, we loved going to McDonald's in Walmart.  But it wasn't neccessarily to eat there.  We loved getting hugs from Tina.  She was a lady who had Down Syndrome that cleared the tables and mopped the floors.  When she saw us running she would drop andything and everything she had in her hands and give each of us the biggest, warmest, most loving hugs.  You immediately felt better after receiving one of Tina's famous hugs.

 

We never had heart-to-heart talks with Tina, actually, I don't think we talked at all.  We just got hugs and shared I love you's.  But I know I speak for all of my siblings when I say that we will remember Tina for the rest of our lives because of those hugs!

 

When I grow up, I want to give hugs like Tina and make them feel loved and special.

Date Night

I am going on a date with this cutie:

 

 

 

These are SO OLD!  These pictures are 4-6 years old.  I can't believe how young we look!  I love looking at old pictures!  Time flies when you're having fun. =)  If only I could get that body back...

"Give me 5 minutes, Mom"

I had just asked Zoe to put her stuffed animals away, and this is the response I get --- "Give me 5 minutes, Mom."  My kids crack me up!  Want to know what I sound like and what words I use to express myself?  Hold a conversation with Zoe and Max and you'll know.  The other day while in the car Zoe said, "Oh no!  I forgot my phone at home!  Shoot!"  They repeat everything and I love it!  They are also teaching me to use my words wisely. =) 

 

 

 

I absolutely love the stages that all three of my children are in right now.  Zoe says the funniest things, and Max repeats the best he can!  They chase each other all day and I love to hear the laughter that ensues!  They have the best personalities and I am so thankful for that!  I thank the Lord everyday that I have happy children.

 

It won't be long now till Titus is right in the middle of all the action.  He discovered rolling over yesterday and has literally taken off!  He does not stay in one place anymore.  I am slowly getting to one of the fun stages where it doesn't seem like work all the time.

 

Board games are being played, as well as imagination games like tea parties, "house", grocery store, etc.  Hide-n-seek is a new game that they love to play if anyone is willing.

 

It still amazes me when I think of our "plan" as far as waiting till after Paul graduated college before starting a family.  God sent us a surprise that changed our lives in so many ways.  Our first baby may be in Heaven, but that sweet little baby made Paul and I realize we couldn't wait four years before we had little ones.  Did we expect to have so many so soon?  No, but we sure are happy that it ended up that way!

 

Hurley is howling because he just woke up and has to use the outdoor facilities so I guess I better go. =)  Happy Wednesday!

Sentimental Play Dates

Source: luxefinds.com via Grace on Pinterest

 

 

Sawyer & Zoe
January 2013

Yesterday the kids and I had a play date with some friends!  These kids have literally been friends since birth!  Cassie and I were pregnant together the summer of 2010.  We have some great memories!

And then it hit me.

Where did my baby go?

I sat there watching them as they got comfortable for their movie and realized I was staring at a little boy and a little girl.  They weren't babies anymore, but little toddlers.

All of a sudden the previous conversations Cassie and I had about tantrums, the Terrible Twos, and stubbornness melted away.  All I wanted to do was scoop up my three little ones and hold them tight and never let go, hoping that would help them stay the size they are at this very moment.

Later in the evening I got to talking to Paul about how busy our marriage has been so far!  We will be celebrating our 5th anniversary and we have had something big happen every. single. year.  I feel like I have yet had a chance to just sit down with him because we live such a busy life.

I got to looking at my handsome husband, and then saw myself in the mirror, and realized we don't look the same as we did when we were first together.  Are those the beginning of crow's feet I see around my eyes?  Life is constantly changing -- it stops for no one!

How many times have we missed the best things because we have have had our eyes closed?  Too many times I'd say.

I don't think the world will come to a crashing halt if I stop to smell the roses instead of wash dirty dishes.. just a thought..

Life is too short.  I don't want to miss out on a thing!

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

It has been 3 years since our first baby went to Heaven.  And every year on this day I make sure to write something about it on Pregnancy & Infant Awareness Day.

You can read a post I wrote on this day back in 2010 here.

Paul and I still have moments of sadness when we think about what we went through with our first baby.  I don't think the sadness will ever go away.  I look forward to the day I get to see my sweet baby in Heaven!

Praying for all the mourning mommies and daddies on this day!

Bedtime Stories

When I was little I remember my Mom reading Love You Forever to my siblings and I.  Now that I'm an adult and have moved away from my Mom, I don't think I can get through the book without crying so I haven't carried on the tradition with Zoe -- yet.  I'm still working on that one..

Another book I remember really well was Lambert the Sheepish Lion.  This book was read by my Dad and we would beg him to read it over and over.  Why, you may ask?  Well, cause when Lambert finally found his roar my Dad made the best lion roar ever -- and it scared the mess out of my little brother every. single. time. =)

A couple days ago I went to the Salvation Army and found three fun kids books that were in excellent condition!  I love finding older books there to add to Zoe and Max's collection.  One was a collection of children's stories such as The Emperor's New Clothes, The Sleeping Beauty, Aesop's Fables, King Arthur and His Noble Knights.. just to name a few.  Another book I found was called Fly High Fly Low and another one I found was simply called Shapes.

We settled for Shapes that night and this is the expression we got for every page. =)  I think she enjoyed it!

When I listen to Paul read Zoe and Max bedtime stories I can't help but find myself going back in time sitting around in a circle with my brothers and sisters.  I see myself wearing my Lion King nightgown.. my brothers in their Lion King footy pajamas.. listening to Mom or Dad read our favorite stories.. giggling while we anticipate the roar that is going to make Philip bawl..  I remember happiness, content, peace.

I'm excited to help Zoe and Max have some of the same memories that I have of my childhood!  They'll only get better the older they get!

A dream is a wish your heart makes..

The year 2012 is going to be a big one for our little family.  One of the biggest events will be Paul is graduating from MSU-N with two bachelors - one in graphic design, the other in liberal studies.  We will be nearing our next chapter in our life, and the main question we have is..

What dreams will we accomplish after college?

This question also got me thinking about another question..

What are my dreams?!

And then it hit me.  My dreams have already come true.

My first dream to come true was becoming a wife.

I married my best friend four years ago this coming February.  I cannot imagine living my life without him.  We have been through so much together already - him losing his oldest brother as well as his grandfather, me moving thousands of miles away from my family and everything I knew, him being a college student, us losing our first baby to a miscarriage, working hard in our local church, buying our first house, the list goes on.  We have kept busy these past four years, that's for sure!

I am so thankful God brought Paul into my life.  He is the most amazing man in the world.  I honestly cannot imagine me being with anyone else - nor do I want to!

I had a couple other dreams come true too..

My second dream to come true was being a mom.

I remember when I was pregnant with Zoe and people would love to tell me the worst stories about children.  Afterward they would tag on, "Just you wait and see."  I don't understand why so many love to discourage new mothers when the good most definitely outweighs the bad when it comes to mothering!

Now that I have two under the age of 2 life is a little harder.  And a little more hectic.  But I wouldn't have it any other way!  The sleepless nights are 100% worth it!

I love giggling with my babies and getting little Max smiling and squealing, wrestling with Zoe or chasing her through the house with my "tickle monster."

I love watching Sesame Street with both kids in my lap.

Baby Goldfish for snack time.

I love all the little things that involve being a mom!

I don't know what all God has in store for my little family in the year 2012, but I do know this:

I am already so blessed with a wonderful marriage, and wonderful kids.  If no other dreams come true, the best ones already did - and I have that much to thank God for.

I hope and pray everyone has an amazing and blessed new year.  May God be with each one who reads this blog and bless you and your family!

My little pocket full of sunshine

7.11.2011

This is my daughter.  She is almost a year old and she finally has enough hair to wear little pigtails!  Isn't she the cutest thing?!

I love this little girl so much.  She is my pride and joy!  Paul and I enjoy snuggle times with her every morning.  It's something I look forward to everyday.

Every time I saw my little girl yesterday I couldn't help but giggle and shower her with hugs and kisses!  Those pigtails were so cute on her!

I can't believe it's been nearly a year since I brought this beautiful baby girl into the world.  She has changed so much -- Paul and I have changed so much!  We all have learned what it is like to be a little family.

I remember being on bedrest and being so bored and so anxious to see my little girl and start my life as a mother -- what I've always wanted to be.

And here we are. =)  Our baby will be 1 on the 25th of this month and will be a big sister sometime in September.  What a wonderful world it is!

Before I leave I have to say something.  God's timing is impeccable.  Here recently I have been struggling with being content with what Paul and I have -- which isn't much.  Then out of nowhere my eyes are opened to the beauty of my daughter, the joys of finding a $12 bed frame so I can feel like I'm in a real queen-like bed, or even a simple vanilla coke on ice.  I appreciate the little things, and I know that God is telling me that He has His hand on Paul and I and we are just fine right where we are.  Thanks, God. =)

I love my life.  I love my husband, my children, my family, my home.. I love who I am.

Where has the time gone?

I was texting my mom this morning and we somehow got to talking about my 18-year-old brother flying to Denver alone tomorrow to hold his first revival.  When she told me I felt like I was trying to swallow an apple whole.  My baby brother is flying all by himself? To hold a revival?  It blows me away.  All I can do is shake my head and think about when we all were little and still living at home.

We were big on playing pretend games -- especially "house."  I would always have the fancy names like Cordelia, Veronica, or Cleopatra.  Jacob would be Paul -- because that was his middle name.  Philip would be John -- or some other "plain" name like that.  Sara would always be Sis in anything we did, and then baby Megan would always be Maggie.  We would have so much fun together!  Even after Tommy was born we would have fun together.  I have always loved living in such a large family -- sure, we had our share of fights, and sometimes I wish I had my own space, but I wouldn't have traded any of my siblings for anything.  I loved sharing bedrooms, piling on the floor to "sleep under the Christmas tree" or confiding in one another when we were upset or had a delicious secret.

Now that I live away I wish I would have done certain things differently.  I wish I would have spoke kinder words to my sister.  I wish I would have spent more time with my baby brother.  I especially wish I would have hugged my dad more.

Now here we are, growing up and starting lives of our own.  I can't believe I've been married for nearly 3 years and have a baby of my own!  And now my brothers are preachers and doing their part sharing the gospel.  I'm so proud of my family!

Don't ever take the ones you love for granted.  Life is too short to hold grudges or take offense if someone hurts you.  I don't ever want to feel like I missed out when it comes to my family.  Hug the ones you love today!

What do you love or miss the most about your family?  Please e-mail us or leave a comment below with your answers!

Yellow blanket

Do you remember a certain blanket or stuffed animal that meant a lot to you when you were a child?  I think most of us had something special when we were little..  I had a wild haired doll that I named Sally.  I also had a patchwork doll I named Sue.  For my husband, it was yellow blanket.

I love to think about the Toy Story movies or even The Brave Little Toaster.  How special certain things like blankets or toys are to kids and then they grow up and leave them behind.. or, for my husband, they disappear and end up in a doghouse years later after he's older.  Crazy story!  Even though Yellow Blanket was old and tattered, Paul took it out of the doghouse and brought it back home and stuffed it in a box to disappear again.

I always heard about Yellow Blanket and how special it was to Paul when he was a baby.  I figured I would finally get to see what that thing would look like after we got married and moved in together.  After unpacking every single box I was disappointed..  I think Paul was too, because he lost Yellow Blanket- again.  Not that he needed it, but it would have been nice to have.  I wonder if he wished to have it for his future children.. ?  Or do men even think like that?

For those of you who do not know Paul's father.. he is constantly cleaning and organizing.  He has a monthly load of things he sends to Sally's (Salvation Army) that the family secretly peek through to make sure he doesn't throw out anything that has sentimental value.

Well, the other night we were hanging out and Kirby was clanging around in the basement as usual.  We didn't think much of it since he always is down there rearranging and organizing.  Well, out of nowhere Kirby walks into the living room and throws something at Paul.  

Whaddya know- it's Yellow Blanket!  Paul was pretty excited to have it back.  You know why? 

Yellow Blanket's new best friend

This beautiful little girl needed her daddy's Yellow Blanket.  After giving Yellow Blanket a good washing we gave it to Zoe.  She immediately tried eating it and snuggled her face into it.  Even though Yellow Blanket is faded and a little tattered, Zoe loves it so much.. just like her daddy did when he was little.

To some this post may be cheesy, but not to me.  In my eyes this blanket is carrying a lot of sentimental value and it means a lot to Paul to pass something special of his to his very own daughter.  I cherish this picture.  I think I will even frame it.

Remember me..

October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  For those who have had miscarriages or lost an infant, they know this day well- including myself.

How ironic that just this past week Paul and I took a mini vacation in the area where we lost our first child!

A couple weeks ago Paul said it was time for us to run away for a couple days.  It was spur of the moment, and we needed it!  So we packed an overnight bag and headed for the mountains.  The closer we got to those beloved mountains the heavier my heart felt, and I didn't know why.  Then we passed a town in East Glacier and it hit me.

That was the Mexican restaurant Paul and I sat at after finding out..

I told Paul how overwhelmed I felt, and come to find out, he felt the same way.  So we talked about it.  Get it off of our chest.

I allowed myself to rethink the whole nightmare.

We decided to visit some church friends in the flathead valley for Memorial weekend.  I was 13 weeks pregnant.  Out of "the danger zone."  Because of that, Paul and I felt like we could be excited about our surprise baby.  So during our 4 hour trip we daydreamed about our new little family, talked about names,  wondered what he/she would look like..

Paul took hold of my hand and said, "Even though this wasn't planned, I'm excited. I love you."

24 hours later I went to the bathroom and noticed light pink blood.  I immediately felt sick.  I ran to find Paul and told him I was bleeding.  I saw the color drain from his face.  He grabbed my arms to calm me down and told me to call my mom.

I told my mom what was going on, and unfortunately couldn't give me words of hope.  She told me to lay down and they would pray for the baby's and my safety.  I laid down and Paul and all of our friends prayed for the baby.  Deep down I knew it wasn't going to help, it was too late, but I still believed in a miracle.

We went to bed, and the next morning I woke up to more pink blood.  Paul and I talked long and hard, and we finally decided to go to the ER to find out if our little one was ok.

The X-Ray technician lived in a completely different town so it took him 30-45 minutes to get to the hospital.  When we saw the ultrasound, I saw the beginnings of a little head and nose..  he/she was so tiny..

The technician didn't say a word through the whole thing.  When he was done, he got up, said good luck, and left.  Paul and I couldn't talk.. and if we did, we tried to reassure each other that God has everything under control.

The doctor finally came in after what seemed like hours, sat down, and simply said, "Your body is aborting the baby.  There's nothing we can do."

And that was that.  No sympathy.  No box of tissues.  Just the reassuring fact that I was aborting my own baby.

The doctor soon left and I had my first breakdown I've ever had in my life.

We left that night and headed home.  I couldn't be there anymore.  I needed to run away.

A year and a half later I ran back, and you know what?  I felt the last bit of closure I needed.  Daddy did too, as you can see..

Today I remember our first child.  Our child we named Charity because of the love that brought "her" into the world.

It took me a year, but I realized that though I felt very much deserted, God had everything under control- and look at us now!  Paul and I have a stronger marriage, he is even more my best friend then he was when I was 16.  And we now have a healthy, happy, beautiful baby girl, whom we love to death!

So today I remember what happened.  Though it was a terrible storm.. the rainbow is absolutely amazing.

To all of the women who have experience a miscarriage and/or infant loss, I'm thinking of you..

Wordless Wednesday: 5 generations

Grandma Bunny and Zoe

This is my first Wordless Wednesday and I thought it would be fitting to start with a picture of my great grandmother with my daughter.  That's right.  This is Zoe's great great grandmother.  There are so many children out there that lose their grandparents, great grandparents, and especially their great great grandparents so young in life.  I am so thankful that my great Grandma Bunny was able to be with us and hold her great great grand daughter.  A very special memory for me..

Time flies when you're having fun

It's amazing how in 4 weeks a baby can change dramatically.  I can't believe my daughter is a month old now!  She's a lb. and an inch bigger and is such a chunk!  In the first few days I worried myself sick that she wasn't eating enough, now I can't get her to stop.

Mommy and Zoe only a few hours after birth.

I'm also amazed at how a 4-week-old baby can already have a taste in music!  My little girl has a thing for Jack Johnson, Nickel Creek, Frank Sinatra, and, of course, Elvis Presley.  Gramma Shu will appreciate that one.  Put any of those folks on and she'll stop her crying long enough to listen.  She'll even force herself to stay awake in order to listen.

Zoe Isabella 3 weeks and 1 day old.

Enjoy the couple pictures.  My little girl is calling my name.  Must be third lunchtime!  Vote for Zoe!

And so life REALLY begins..

My family just left an hour ago to head back home and already my heart aches because I miss them so much.

The past 3 weeks have been wonderful for Paul and I.  We love having all of the family together- especially when we celebrated the birth of our first child.

My mom made sure I didn't do anything in order to heal.  My parents did so much around the house; laundry, dishes, fixing odds and ends, etc.  There is no way Paul and I could pay them back for everything they did.  I barely even changed a diaper!  Mom even came with me a couple times to clean Earl's house.

Some days I couldn't help but clean something just to feel useful, and I have realized just how easy it is to over do it.. which is why I was given strict instructions by my mother that no matter how great I feel- don't over do it!

And so.. life really begins..

I look over at my sleeping daughter and I feel comfort knowing that Paul and I will do just fine on our own.. the company was just nice. :)

Bible Training Institute

The Church of God holds a two week program to help people, young and old, to learn more about the Bible, the church's doctrine, and even some church history.  It is a great place to learn more and fellowship with people from all over the world!

I attended first term BTI with my mom and my [future] husband when I was 16.  I had so much fun attending classes, hanging with friends, showing off my awesome mom, staying up till 2 in the morning, and living on Red Bull for 2 weeks.  I have a lot of great memories from BTI.

I was informed that the church now has a link so you can watch some clips of what's going on this year at BTI!  If you're interested, you can check out what's up at media.thechurchofgod.org and watch some singings and devotionals.  Just the little bit stirred my heart and made me wish I was there to be able to witness the 4 hour prayer services and feel God move strongly.

Hopefully one day Paul and I will be able to go again and finish all 4 terms.  I would love that!