Friday, October 22, 2010

30 Days of Truth: Day 3

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for. 
I had to think about this for awhile.  Did I have anything I needed to forgive myself of? I recently wrote a post titled Remember Me that talked about going back to the town where Paul and I found out we were losing our first baby.  I feel like I talk too much about this topic, but maybe someone needs to hear it?

After the doctor left the room I started sobbing and saying "I'm sorry" because I felt so guilty.  I had a horrible fear that Paul would want to leave me because I couldn't carry the baby.  Your hormones are definitely out of whack at that time since I know he wouldn't leave me for anything.

For months I felt so guilty.  I should have done this.. or maybe I shouldn't have done that..  So many different things went through my head.  And to be honest, I wanted to blame myself.  Someone had to be blamed, why not the one carrying this special gift?

After going back to the town where everything happened, I felt such peace.  I didn't feel guilt.  I didn't feel remorse.  It was bittersweet.  And for the first time, I realized I wasn't blaming myself, or trying to analyze what I should or shouldn't have done.

I forgive myself because I didn't do anything wrong.  Things happen to make us stronger.  That's that.

1 comment:

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