Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I had to think about this for awhile. Did I have anything I needed to forgive myself of? I recently wrote a post titled Remember Me that talked about going back to the town where Paul and I found out we were losing our first baby. I feel like I talk too much about this topic, but maybe someone needs to hear it?
After the doctor left the room I started sobbing and saying "I'm sorry" because I felt so guilty. I had a horrible fear that Paul would want to leave me because I couldn't carry the baby. Your hormones are definitely out of whack at that time since I know he wouldn't leave me for anything.
For months I felt so guilty. I should have done this.. or maybe I shouldn't have done that.. So many different things went through my head. And to be honest, I wanted to blame myself. Someone had to be blamed, why not the one carrying this special gift?
After going back to the town where everything happened, I felt such peace. I didn't feel guilt. I didn't feel remorse. It was bittersweet. And for the first time, I realized I wasn't blaming myself, or trying to analyze what I should or shouldn't have done.
I forgive myself because I didn't do anything wrong. Things happen to make us stronger. That's that.