I'm a little nervous that I'm only 19 weeks along in this pregnancy and I'm already complaining about my aching feet, back, etc. How in the world am I going to feel by the time the baby is due? Oh wait.. I remember.. I felt that last year..
Paul and I took the kids and had a picnic at the park today. It was so nice and relaxing to just sit and talk over watermelon and sweet tea. While sitting there we got to talking about our bodies, and I of course made some jokes about my blubbery-always-pregnant-self. He asked me a serious question, though:
"Do you regret having babies so soon in our marriage?"
Paul knows that lately I have been struggling with my image because all I see is a body that has been used multiple times to give birth. A body that isn't as young as it used to be. A body that has been stretched to the max -- and isn't finished being stretched either!
I thought about his question, and I honestly said, "NO."
It wasn't our plan to have kids right away. We were content to wait until after Paul graduated before starting a family. When we found out we were pregnant three years ago we were happy about the surprise! Everyone knows that didn't end very well. I had a miscarriage that left us both feeling empty and broken. We talked about it and knew that we wanted to try again. Even though it was a change of plans, we couldn't help it. We needed to redeem ourselves!
We had our beautiful baby girl. She was perfect. She helped Paul and I heal so much! By the time we were home from the hospital, Paul was already planning for a second baby and I was too!
After having Max we were ready for a little break. We wanted to have more, but I felt like my body needed a rest after having two babies in two years. As soon as I felt I was ready, I was working out and doing my best to get my body back into shape. By the time summer came around, I wanted to feel good about myself and work on a tan!
Well...God had another change of plans -- again. And as you all know, baby #3 will be here at the end of October. =)
I wouldn't change my life for anything now. Not even for a good looking body! I may have my days where I feel like a vessel for babies and that's it, but deep down inside I know it is worth it.
One day Paul and I will be done having babies. When that happens I will have my chance to work on my body and get back into shape. Until that day comes, I will do my best to try and remember to enjoy every little moment with my children.
Just think, if I would have had my way, I would have never met Zoe, Max, or my new son that will be here soon. That sounds like a nightmare to me.